Is He The Right Guy For You?

Major Signs To Make Note Of:

• He doesn't remember important details you've mentioned more than once
• He is always "busy" or "never has time" or hits you up last minute
• He can't put his cell phone down- especially while you're out on a date
• Trust your gut!

Instead of wasting your time on men who obviously aren't making time for you.. pay attention to the details/signs from the beginning, so you can determine whether he's worth pursuing.

We often find ourselves telling little details about what's important to US to the men we date, in hopes that maybe.. just maybe they will remember down the road. So that if things were to go well, they'd know what your favorite flower, color, activity, type of food, music etc. actually is.  However, a key sign that "he's just not one" early on.. is that he doesn't pay attention to details. If he is interested in you, he will make mental note to remember the important things.. because he likes you..if you are just "another girl" to him, he's not going to care.

Another sign that "he's not the one," (which I believe is one of the most telling signs), he never seems to have time to spend with you. There's always SOMETHING that comes up, a reason why he didn't call, an EXCUSE for why he can't see you etc. Point blank: if a guy likes you; he will find a way to make time for you- no matter how busy his schedule may be. Don't waste YOUR time on someone who doesn't think twice about making time for you..it just won't go anywhere, you will be disappointed time and time again and you deserve someone who is going to actively seek your company.

"Never make someone a priority, when they only make you an option"- Unknown

Translation: If you aren't both putting in EQUAL effort - it's not going to work out and is a waste of your time. Move on to a guy who will make time for YOU.

The third key sign.. his cell phone is a distraction all of the time. It shows that he is not focused on you and frankly..that he'd probably rather be elsewhere, or with someone else. It's rude for someone to be on their phone constantly while on a date. If a guy is interested, he will have enough respect to keep cell phone use minimal or even better, not get on it at all while he is with you. If a guy cannot give you his full attention while on a date - he's probably not the one.

And lastly- Trust your gut! They don't call it "women's intuition" for nothing. It does serve a valid purpose and when it's warning you that something doesn't seem right.. it's usually for a reason. Don't be so quick to toss that gut feeling aside. Try to see the big picture as to why your gut may be warning you.. and really think about the situation to make a decision as to whether or not you should continue seeing the guy.

Ladies- just be smart. If you wouldn't allow your girl-friends to be treated by a guy like you are being treated.. STOP dating guys that don't deserve you. There are a ton of simple signs that you can catch early on to save yourself from being hurt and wasting your time on someone who isn't right for you.

Keep A Girls Attention by Avoiding These First Date Conversation DON'Ts..

Major No No's include:

• Talking about your exes
• Telling bland/uninteresting stories
• Talking about sports, cars, details of your job
• Talking about sex (on the first date) can be risky - Don't get ahead of yourself

Guys.. bring something more to the table on a first date than the usual boring details about your job, exes, sports teams, cars and your beloved pet.

It should be common knowledge by now that you aren't supposed to talk about your exes on a date with a new woman, however time and time again I notice this conversation happening and I always wonder why men  think it's a good idea. You are digging yourself a hole by bringing past relationships up this quick- save it for a few weeks down the road if you are still seeing your date.

Keep us entertained! If you are going to tell us about a "funny story" or something you "found interesting"...please do us a favor of making sure that what you are going to tell us.. is in-fact funny or interesting. There is nothing more that I hate while on a date than a boring/dull conversation. Your mom might care about your day to day details/stories.. but we don't want to be bored by them. If you are the type of guy that struggles with what to say there are TONS of sites that have suggested conversation starters. (Like this one)

Are some of the questions random? YES.. but that is the point..it will show your creativity and help keep us interested in talking with you.

Let's be honest.. us women could really care less about the boring details of your job, cars, sports, and your pets (on a first date) - so please put a little more thought into what you say.. this has become a routine first date conversation that bores us to tears!

And lastly.. unless we lead you toward the "sex" talk on a first date.. don't bring anything sex related up. It's a huge turn off when a guy jumps straight to the sex related questions - and at times can be very offensive. Have more respect for the girl you are on a date with. There are plenty of other things to discuss without making the date awkward.

What are some topics of conversation that have completely backfired on you? What are some that have worked well? 

The 5 Min. Rule...

I came across this article  5 min rule  the other day and fell in love with the idea. I only WISH that this could be implemented across the country, however.. I think that there are too many people out there who LOVE to play games and are excited by the "chase" and the "ego boost" they get from being wanted by another- even when in a committed relationship.


I would personally prefer to know if a guy is taken within 5 minutes of approaching me and making converation. Not only for my own piece of mind.. but for theirs and their significant others'. It should be common sense when in a relationship that there are boundaries that you DO NOT cross. It's one thing to find someone attractive and approach them, casually flirt, and walk away.. it's another to have a full on conversation (and sometimes even exchanging numbers) without even letting them know you aren't SINGLE.


I have always believed in this rule: When you are out without your significant other.. You shouldn't be doing or saying anything with others that you couldn't do/say in the presence of your partner.  It's a rule I stand by and wish more people would.


What are your thoughts? Questions? Concerns? Are there exceptions?

Tick Tock....

This post is all about making TIME.

A concept that I would like to think is simple to grasp but I am learning it is harder for some people. Specifically MEN.

Why is it so damn hard for a guy to plan ahead.. or am I just meeting guys that don't care enough about me to do so? Is it really hard to say "Hey, it would be nice to see you this week when are you available.." - and actually plan a night? Apparently it is too hard for most men.  They would rather wait until the absolute last minute to extend an invite for you to come hang out.  Not only does it make me feel like I was your LAST option.. but I probably already have plans, have chosen to stay home, or don't have what I'd need to make said "hanging out" work.

Especially for me.. I work downtown, but live 45 min away.  Most of the things men want to do involve being downtown, or they live downtown.. or even worse.. they live the complete opposite direction from downtown 30-45 min... If I don't have plans after work I usually go home.. and by the time I go home.. it irritates me to all hell to get a call or text asking to "hang out" at 8pm or later at night.  Especially when I've told these people to give me more notice.

I understand that men don't like to make plans.. that they run off the seat of their pants and do things on a "whim"..however, I would think if you REALLY liked a girl as you are trying to say you do- that you would make more effort to plan time with her.. especially if she's told you that she needs more notice.

Am I being too naive and continuing to date men like this? At what point do you just throw in the towel at the ridiculousness that is occurring and move on? How many chances do you give someone until you just say ENOUGH! I'm seriously at a loss... I know that I should not waste time on someone who doesn't make time for me.. but this seems to be a consistent battle with ALL of the men I've been meeting.  What is the deal? Are there men that exist that are willing to put in the time and effort it takes to pursue a woman? Am I expecting too much? 

I am a busy woman.. and I still find TIME for the things and people that are important to me... so I don't care how "busy" someone is... It is simple.. you make time for what is important to YOU... and I'm starting to realize that even though people may say you are important to them, that you really mean a lot to them, or that they really like you... Actions begin to speak louder than words... everyone is busy.. everyone has a lot on their plate.. but we ALL make TIME for what is important in our lives...and yes there are certain things in people's lives that I would never hold against them for taking time towards.. such as a Job, Family, & Kids- However, if you are going to say you are interested in me.. make TIME for me or someone else will.

Please post your thoughts, advice etc.. always glad to hear it :)

Phone Etiquette While on a date...

Between your friends, social networks, and apps; it seems almost impossible for people to NOT get on their phones these days. (we are all guilty of it) All of this is completely normal when you are by yourself or with friends, but what is the proper etiquette now-a-days for when you are on a date?

Is it supposed to be accepted that someone will be texting, social networking, etc. regularly throughout the date.. or is it still common knowledge that it is somewhat rude to be doing that? I mean.. when it happens to me- it makes me feel as though that person would rather be elsewhere, that their time could be better spent with other people, or god forbid they "just aren't that into me." Should the focus not be on each other? I mean I get that there may be more "appropriate" times to check your phone while on a date (when one of you go to the bathroom) however, doing it often in front of the person is a bit rude- is it not?

I am a very social person... and I do LOVE LOVE LOVE to check my Facebook, Twitter, etc. But when I am on a date I am pretty respectful about not being on my phone because I am there to get to know the person I'm on a date with.  If you are texting regularly (or appear to be) it just seems a bit shady and disrespectful to the person you are with. Friends will still be there in a few hours, Facebook and Twitter are not going anywhere and the people "following" you will not hate you if you don't update them every 10 minutes.

Also- does good phone etiquette only apply for the first date? All dates? At what point is it ok? Or isn't it at all?

*I don't really care about this as much if you are out together with a group of other people... it's bound to happen that everyone will be off and on their phones throughout the evening.. but mostly wondering what the rule is these days when on a date with just you and that person....

Please share your thoughts.. I'm interested to see what your opinion is on this.

Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile.- Someday I will know what this means :)

I found this quote/passage by Bob Marley and fell in love with it.

"Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life."


— Bob Marley
 
If you have already found this in someone may you continue to have this special connection for many years to come. If you have yet to find it; I know one day you will.  Keep your heart open and know that love takes risk.

Part Time Lover

At some point or another I'm sure most of us have been in this situation.. where there is this person.. that you have had a connection with for some time.  And not just a 'we're great friends' connection.. something more than that.. something unique and special, however you never seem to get the chance to see where the relationship would go beyond the 'friend' level.

Somehow you always end up being the 'in between' person, or what I like to call, the Part Time Lover.  Let me explain exactly what I mean...  you know that you and this particular person have chemistry- emotionally, physically, mentally and so many other ways that sometimes you just can't even explain it.  This person is usually your 'what if?' As in.. even when you are involved in other relationships.. you still think 'what would happen if we were dating?' 

However, when the opportunity presents itself.. and you are both single (you may finally get the chance to try things out and see where it may go) they don't want to date you, but they want to be intimate with you because you connect so well.  They utilize you as their part time lover. They have no intention of ever really wanting to date you.. but you are the person that they use as their 'comfort blanket' when they aren't seriously dating someone else.

Some people would compare this to a booty call- someone to hook up with until you find your next boyfriend/girlfriend- however, it is a bit more than a booty call. For instance.. when you have that great of a connection and those feelings for someone.. you cannot just detach yourself from those feelings and just casually hook up. (or at least I can't)

It gets to the point where you finally just have to accept the fact that nothing more will every happen between the two of you... that you will always be viewed as their part time lover and never as someone they would be in a relationship with, because time and time again you watch them date others and then run to you when they aren't in a relationship. 

I am not going to be someones comfort blanket... it is much too complicated to have casual sex with someone that you have feelings for.. and a bit hurtful when that person claims to have the same feelings for you- but can so easily detach themselves from those feelings.

It is crazy though, how long we allow ourselves to be in wonderment over someone like this.. until one day you can overcome it and realize you deserve more... you deserve someone who is willing to take the time to see where things may go. I mean after all, if they think you are that great of a person.. and connect to you so well- why wouldn't they be willing to take that leap?

Being someones part time lover is very one-sided.. they reap all the benefit of the intimacy and then get to toss you aside when they find someone they really want to date.  Don't let yourself fall into this cycle.  It's not worth it and in the end you could have been putting all of that energy toward other things. That is not to say that you cannot remove yourself from the feelings (once you accept that nothing will ever come between the two of you) and remain friends with this person. But be wise... and know that it is okay to let go and not have to wonder 'what if?' anymore.