I wrote this poem a long time ago... however it is circling back to me at this time in my life. I don't understand men sometimes.. and I feel incredibly used by several of them over the last few months..I am sick of liars.. I am sick of games.. I am sick of dishonesty.. and I'm sick of being a conquest... I am not a conquest.. I am the grand prize and deserve to find someone that will treat me as such.
So I feel it fitting to post this poem on my blog:
USED
Why do you use me
It just isn't fair
You're off kissing girls
whenever I'm not there
You think it's a game
and have all the fun
but I'm the one trapped
when I should be on the run
You never call me anymore
you used to every day
what am I supposed to think
when it goes on day after day
I try to ignore it
and hide all my pain
but you wouldn't care anyway
It's just part of your game
I thought you cared
but I guess I was wrong
I thought I could deal with it
But I'm just not that strong
I'm sick of hearing
How much you like me
when it doesn't mean a thing
because I'm just another girl
you have waiting in the wing
I wish you'd just confess
but it's obviously not your style
how do you ever expect
to be walking down that isle
Us girls aren't stupid you know
we eventually figure it out
it just takes a while
to see what you're about
I'm sick of the games
I'm sick of this pain
if I let it go any longer
it may drive me insane
Even though you used me
and I fell right into the trap
I can't seem to let you go
My heart says I still want you
while my head just says confused
I hate knowing that I have been used
I wish I could just forget
about the thing we had
but I know if I did
I'd just feel so bad
I want so much for you to say
that you've learned from this
and to change your ways
But deep down I know
that this will never be
because it's only obvious
we weren't meant to be
So now it's time for me to say
that this game is over
no matter how
you try to explain
all of your fun
will never be and isn't worth this pain
Michelle Howell 2001
4 comments:
Girly! I love you and truely I do. I have soo much fun when I'm around you... When life is in the right spot, and you aren't so focused on finding that one... He will come... but the more you scrutinize the male population the harder it becomes. You are a very positive person and I have never seen you without a smile... sometimes I wonder who is really writing these blogs. The point of my response is that you will see maybe its just not time yet. Focus on your freindships instead of romances ... romance comes after the friendships. Freindships dont call every day, see every day or have dates every weekend. But eventually build to where you live to express feelings, spend time and every moment is looked forward upon. I believe your feelings are very deep and very true. I don't discount them at all. If I could express mine like you do... I can only imagine. I hope the girl which I choose to be with, will be as fun , positive, creative and as pretty as you are. Luv ya!
I get what you are saying but yet again, I can't help but feel like people are interpreting the reason I write this blog incorrectly.
I am not actively seeking or looking for romance on a daily basis. I live my life for myself, to hang out with friends & family, be happy, have fun etc..
All these men have come into my life at very random/unexpected times.. I have not sought them out. It is not my fault that they don't know how to treat women.. I just write about it.
That is how dating works.. people randomly land in your life and you choose to date them or not.. and in the end you hope to find "THE ONE" - that doesn't mean my life is focused on finding romance.. everyone ultimately wants to find the person to spend their life with.. that's why we date.
My focus in life is happiness in all aspects... romance is a part of that yes... but it is not the MAIN part of it.. I am perfectly fine being single.. I am a confident, independent woman, I have amazing people in my life, and know that I am a great catch. I know that when the time is right a guy will come into my life that will treat me the way I deserve.. I get that.. but if opportunites come up throughout my life to date someone that I'm interested in.. I am not going to turn it down.. that doesn't mean I "focus" on finding someone.. it means that I live my life and if men come into it unexpectedly I can either choose to make time for them or not.
And thank you for your sweet words "I hope the girl which I choose to be with, will be as fun , positive, creative and as pretty as you are. Luv ya!" I know that you weren't attacking me in your comment.. just wanted to make it clear that my goal in life doesn't revolve around "searching for men" constantly ;)
That is so well written and I am sure so many girls can relate to that. I know that back in the day I definitely could!
I am sorry you are going through this and sooner or later you will meet someone who really will see how great you are and not do that to you. I don't understand most men, and think that most of them just need to grow up or at least tell it straight.
I love you much!!
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