Summer Lover.. (or lack there of)

It has taken me a while to write about this one (we met in June).. well, quite honestly, because I was stupid enough to think someone would prove me (and my friends) wrong and held onto something that wasn't even there in the first place.

For the first time since my ex (we broke up Dec. 2009), I found myself genuinely liking (falling for) a guy.  He was extremely handsome, dressed well, funny/Witty, charming, we had a lot in common... my friends all liked him and obviously so did I.

We spent some time together around 4th of July and things went great. We enjoyed watching fireworks together, going to a baseball game, etc.  There was one thing though during this weekend that really annoyed me. The fact that he was on his phone during our date (see "Phone Etiquette" post). Honestly... I should have taken that as a huge red flag from the beginning but I let my "butterfly" feelings get the best of me.. and gave him the benefit of the doubt and didn't read into it too much.

So after this great weekend.. finding time to spend w/ this guy was easy for me.. that's what you do when you like someone.. right? However, it was a VERY complicated task for him. I do have to say.. he does have some obligations that I would never make him feel bad about not having time.. his job.. and his son. That aside.. even when those were not obstacles.. it was ALWAYS something.. some reason why he couldn't hang out. He would text me pretty regularly.. however always go M.I.A mid conversation and have some excuse as to why.  Frankly I got tired of this really quickly...

We saw each other after almost a month.. hung out and had a good time.. and then.. the pattern repeated itself.. he had no time! It was always "I will try harder" "I'm sorry I'm messing up" "It won't happen again"... the same thing over and over as to why he couldn't see me. Yet.. it never changed.. he never tried harder.. and it did happen again...

**THIS is one of my biggest dating pet peeves! If you like someone.. you make time for them - PERIOD! I don't care what you have going on in your life.. if that person is important to you.. and you want to continue to see them.. you will make sure to include them in your plans. Right?

Yet, I STILL kept giving him a chance.. why? Hell if I know.. I tell myself time and time again that I will not put up with this from a man.. that I deserve better.. that I deserve someone who makes time for me.. that I don't deserve to go through this pattern of excuse after excuse.

Another month goes by and I'm still allowing myself to be strung along.. and then the confusion just begins again when he invites me to his birthday celebration at the club. I asked him if it meant I would be his date.. his response "I just want to go to the bar and have fun with my friends" So I said.. okay I get that.. but if I show up and kiss you or something is it going to cause drama.. he said "no." So naturally since this is the first guy I genuinely fell for since my ex.. I go.. ignoring all the signs that happened over the last few months.. and show up to his birthday celebration.. Where he continues to introduce me as "his girl" (yet, I thought I wasn't even his date)- hence you see why the confusion began again? We have a great night celebrating, drinking, dancing etc... we see each other twice over the next several weeks.. but it was me coming up to his place late at night to sleep- and yes.. we just slept.. (although he tried for more- both times) - this making me feel like all he wanted at this point was the sex...

Sigh.. This is where I learn my lesson to hold out on the goods. (although the sex was AMAZING)  I let my emotions get the best of me and fell for this guy too quickly.. very quickly... and he got what he wanted early on.. so what need was there for more than that from me going forward.. was I just his booty call? Shit...I don't know if I was or not.. but that's how it started to make me feel..

Why did I allow myself to go down this stupid path yet again.. time and time I KNOW that I shouldn't put up with that bullshit.. yet I fell right into the trap!

The door closed when he didnt' make it to any of my birthday celebration in October. The first weekend he had his son (but not overnight).. and could have attended. The second weekend.. well let's just say he made the choice not to show up.. and he made the choice to not have me a part of his plans that weekend either. I'M DONE! (There is a lot more detail I could include regarding this.. examples of things he chose to go to under the same circumstances etc.. but I'm not going to get into it because I feel that it would personalize this blog post too much) Just know that at this point I was sick of him making excuses to me.. but making time for other things/people.

Sad that it took me this long to move on.. I obviously know better than to be strung along by someone like this.. but WHY in the hell did I still allow it? Why is it that we KNOW not to allow ourselves to go through this and be treated this way.. yet we still put up with it?  Am I going to be strong enough to kibosh this bullshit in the future before it strings me along this far? God.. I hope so... Because this nonsense of getting let down time and time again by someone you like is a vicious cycle that I don't want to keep going through.

I know that this person will probably read this.. and that is fine.. I do want everyone to know that I think deep down - he is a good guy.. I just think he's at a very confusing place in his life and wants to pick cherries from too many trees.. and unfortunately I met him during this time. When he decides he wants to find a steady woman in his life again.. I'm sure he will make that girl very happy. But, he has let something amazing slip through his fingers...