A little close to home..

I was reading articles on one of my favorite websites www.thefrisky.com and came across an article that hit me far too close to home. I read it and couldn't help feeling like it was out of the twilight zone and something I had personally written over a year ago while with my ex.

Here is what the person wrote in to the advice column:

I’ve been with my boyfriend for two years. Initially, he was the pursuer, but as time passed I fell completely in love. We were stable, playful, and even got a dog together. Starting in October, though, he started being shady: [at] bars all the time, getting too drunk to drive home and staying at his friend’s house (who happened to live with a girl who was a previous hook-up of his), lying about who he was with and just being sneaky in general. I panicked and clung harder than ever, became suspicious and snooped and only made myself feel worse. And then we moved past it and were happy again. Then, last Sunday, he said we “needed to talk.” I feared the worst: cheating? Breakup? Nope. He has been seriously preoccupied with my eight pound weight gain. He says his preoccupation is the reason for his distance, and that he’d hate for us to have to plan our lives around my weight gain. (You know, since being 5’6, 165 lbs seriously inhibits my lifestyle.) I don’t feel like it’s unreasonable for him to say something about maybe working out more, but blaming our relationship issues on my weight gain? Since he told me, he has been affectionate and loving again; he says he just needed to get it off his chest and now everything will be fine. But I’m pissed. Is it worth it for me to put up with his shallowness? I don’t think it’s okay to blame everything on eight pounds. Am I overreacting? Or should I MOA?— 165 and Ready to run

Here is the response:

You asked if it’s “worth it to put up with his shallowness,” but it isn’t just shallowness you’re putting up with, is it? You’re also putting up with his shady behavior, insensitivity, lack of open communication, and an unstable relationship. Is it worth it? I certainly wouldn’t think so. What in the world could you possibly be getting out of the relationship that would make all that crap worth it? If I had to make a guess, I’d say your boyfriend is up to something he knows you wouldn’t approve of, feels guilty about it, and has created this “preoccupation” with your practically non-existent weight gain to shift the blame and alleviate some of his guilt. Rather than take responsibility for whatever it is he feels guilty for, he creates a “problem” — all yours, of course — for you to focus on and then relaxes a bit while the heat is temporarily off him. This is so not about eight pounds. This is about your boyfriend’s inability to communicate what’s really going on with him and your relationship. If you can’t get it out of him, MOA. Even if you can get it out of him, you should probably still MOA and find someone who isn’t so shady and manipulative.

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After reading this it made me realize how much happier I am without my ex. No woman should ever feel that way or have to go through that kind of emotional damage caused by the person they love the most. And although the person giving the advice  doesn't know the situation first hand (or maybe she does), I feel as though her advice couldn't be more accurate. Especially regarding what I had gone through. Your significant other should love you NO MATTER WHAT! If you gain some weight and they are not okay with it they should find ways of letting you know subtly and in a non hurtful manner. I feel as though my ex definitely put all the blame on me at the time to take away from actions he felt guilty about. 

The funny part is.. Now that we aren't together he ALWAYS makes it a point to tell me how good I look... why is this funny? Because I weigh the exact same as I did when we were together. Amazing how that works.....